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Check out all the WKU Store’s tall and small tales of anything we deem worthy of amusement.  Warning: If you have no sense of humor you simply will not enjoy this page.


Things You will NEVER Hear at The WKU Store

…No matter how close you listen…

(This may be a bit of Inside-Storelore Humor but anyone is welcome to read on)

–“Order more screaming monkeys.”

–“I sure do miss Scott.”

–“Bring back Muscle Milk!”

–“I love Northern accents.”

–“Lighten up, Lacey.”

–“Calm down, Megan.”

–“Cheer up, Gloria.”

–“Don’t be shy, Emily.” (Kemp that is)

–“I like your jeans, Robbie.”

–“You’ve got to work harder, Donnie.”

–“My beard is better than Jim’s beard.”

–“Curtis is the guy over there in the red shirt.”

–“I’m having a hard time getting along with Ben.”

–From Forrest: “I couldn’t find a parking spot.”

–From Linda: “Turn up the music!”

–From Marcia: “I can reach that for you.”

–From Jim: “I don’t really feel like punching today.”

–From Ms. Alice: “Whassup, Dawg?”

–From Sarah: “I’m going home to get away from Jim.”

–From Wanda: “Back when I lived in Michigan…”

Ode to Eddie Walden: Graduated Student Worker & a Great American

List of Eddie’s Loves

Eddie’s Hates

Among Eddie’s Declared List of Loves:

Fried Bologna & Freedom, Chuck Norris, Panama City, Lawndon (hometown), “the ladies”,  Drunk Tree-Climbing, PBR’s, Kneebends (the back of your knee), Muddin’, Frog Giggin’, Beautiful Blonde Mullet Locks, Granny’s Apple Shine, Chocolate Cereal, Pretty Flowers, Monster Trucks, Girls in Camo, His Dog: Paisley, Burger King Baseball, and tongue smeared nacho dip.

List of Eddie’s Hates:

Back Hair, Uncobbed Corn, Neck Beards, Small Belt Buckles, Fascists, Breaking in New Blue Jeans, Not-Fried Chicken, Sunburn Skin Flakes, John Wayne playin’ a bad guy, and ungroomed mullets.

<note that Eddie has so many more loves than he has hates, to which he adds: “There are so many more things in life to love than to hate–that’s why I’m running outa room on my loves list.”>

Lawndon Times: A Little Eddie Ray to Brighten Your Day (February 2012)

As you read through, with patience to our phonetic Lawndon spellin, allow your mind to paint clear the vision of Eddie Ray in his full, colorful character.  Be eddie-fied.

-“I don’t even have a mean face–don’t even know what one of ’em looks lack.”

-“I always drank what’s under the sink and I turned out okay.”

-“You want me to tell ya what Prison’s lack?  I’ve been watching shows on Netflix about what it’s lack, so I’ve practically been there.”

-“I’m passin out ‘shut-ups’ today,” to which Sammy D responds with, “Hey, watch your tude.”      Eddie snaps back, “You watch your tude.  Shut up, Trevor! Shut up, Scott!”  He then continues to pass out those ‘shut-ups’ to folks who aren’t even speaking.

-“Scott, if you were a girl I’d take you out for seafood and then never call you back.”

– <Loud Belch>  “Excuse me.  That was rude.”

Last Edition Favorites:

-“I just take off my hat and a pen falls out.  Ain’t no tellin’ how long that’s been in there.”

“I think I learned to smile like that from my horse.”

–At the WKU Store Summer Retreat:

Seth: “Eddie, grab my hand.”

Eddie: “Like Romantical style?”

Favorite Bookstore Moments:

A good one to start: The recent “Hair Shaving” in which Lee was named official buzzer as Forrest sat caped in plastic with a crowd of gawkers clicking cameras to forever cherish this dare-made-real moment.  (Special thanks to Donnie for his awesome-while-it-lasted mustache and the initiation of said dare).

Thanks to Gnat (aka Amanda Bass) on the video below:

Humilation for Cash? Sure.


More Cash. Bigger Smile.


3 responses »

  1. Bless Eddie’s heart! (what else can you say?)

  2. This cracks me up…
    -”I used to do so many different voices when I was a kid that I forgot what my voice sounded like…I was like, ‘Is that me talkin?’ “

  3. “The Window to my soul needs a kickstand”–it makes no sense but it is so hilarious. It almost sounds like a line from a nauseating poetry slam.


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