StoreLore

Check out all the WKU Store’s tall and small tales of anything we deem worthy of amusement.  Warning: If you have no sense of humor you simply will not enjoy this page.

Donnie poses beside the all-American Hot Dog (D.R. Dog) painted in his likeness in our old breakroom.  Jim sears assumes his fightin’ position in front of our Irish pub painting.

With books, bobbles, spirit gear and more–

A parade of boxes go out the door,

From DUC to Garrett we still keep in mind–

All the memories we leave behind. (sniff, sniff)

Backstock Bliss

Boy Eddie & pet Goatillo (part armadillo, part goat)

 A Great American Graduates: Last of the Lawndon Times

After enjoying several years of entertainment, our Lawdown Times subscribers now unite in our sadness at the recent loss of Eddie Ray Walden.  Eddie has graduated from WKU with a degree in Biology and is bound for “real world” living now.  For his final farewell, we sent him off with an All-American Bash–complete with apple pie, USA flags  and a collection of all his best quotes featured on campaign buttons.   As this well-loved  chapter of “StoreLore” has now ended, we offer a commemorative edition of the the best of Eddie Ray to brighten your day.  Ladies and Gentleman, I give you…

“Highlights and Lowlights from An American Great”

As you read through, with patience to our phonetic Lawndon spellin, allow your mind to paint clear the vision of Eddie Ray in his full, colorful character.  Be eddie-fied.

Among Eddie’s Declared List of Loves:

Fried Bologna & Freedom, Chuck Norris, Panama City, Lawndon (hometown), “the ladies”,  Drunk Tree-Climbing, PBR’s, Kneebends (the back of your knee), Muddin’, Frog Giggin’, Beautiful Blonde Mullet Locks, Granny’s Apple Shine, Chocolate Cereal, Pretty Flowers, His Biceps, Monster Trucks, Girls in Camo, His Dog: Paisley, Burger King Baseball, and tongue smeared nacho dip.

-”I don’t even have a mean face–don’t even know what one of ‘em looks lack.”

-“I think I learned to smile like that from my horse.”

-Jim: “Hey, Eddie, what do you think of uncobbed corn?”  Eddie promptly replies, “I hate it…if it’s not cobbed, I don’t want it.”

(Among Eddie’s other declared “Hates”: Movies where John Wayne dies, back hair, sunburn skin flakes, Fascists, small belt buckles and ungroomed mullets.

- Random Wisdom: “A visor is like wearing a hat but you can still touch your hair.” While this revelation is unfolding, Eddie adjusts the visor and scratches his hair in amazement.

-”Scott, if you were a girl I’d take you out for seafood and then never call you back.”

-Referring to the obvious hickey on Eddie’s neck, Amanda asks, “What’s that mark on your neck, Eddie?”  To which Eddie doesn’t skip a beat, “I was half asleep when I was curlin’ my hair today.”

--A rather fetching pick-up line: “I’d  like to invite you to a mustache dance.” (hand extended, eyebrows raised, slight bow)

-”I just take off my hat and a pen falls out.  Ain’t no tellin’ how long that’s been in there.”

–A come-back intended for Jake that took several minutes to formulate in Eddie’s mind:  “You’re awfully tall…(pause) for a woman.”

– Eddie on the Weekends: “For New Years I was out and this girl who was obviously more drunk than me, came up and just started dancing with me.  We were dancing and having fun then she just slapped me and I didn’t even do anything wrong…that I know of  <as he shrugs and side smiles>.  And I didn’t even know her.  She slapped me and then just wanted to keep dancing but I quit cuz I didn’t know what just happened.”

-“When I was a kid I used to think about inventing the milknut.  It was a doughnut with milk already in the middle.” With a sparkle in his eyes and a nodding of the head, he cannot help envisioning himself wearing a sugar-greased apron with the embroidery on the pocket reading: Eddie Ray Walden, Owner of the Great American Milknut Shop.  After this vision is fully settled upon his imagination, he repeats the word, “The milknut.”

–” I cain’t tell you how many times I peed in the lake this weekend.”

–  Seth: “Jim spells his name G-E-M.”

Jim: “Oh, I am a gem—a sapphire.”

Eddie: (cock walking by) “More like a reuben.”

Seth: (trying not to laugh) “Reuben?  I think that’s a sandwich.”

Jim: I am a Jewish sandwich.

–At the WKU Store Summer Retreat:

Seth: “Eddie, grab my hand.”

Eddie: “Like Romantical style?”

--Late one night, here’s the scene:

Eddie’s Girlfriend calls him on the phone: “Where are you?”

Eddie (perhaps having five too many drinks): “I am in a tree,” he pauses a moment, “Well, I guess I can come inside.” It seems he had merely climbed a tree right in the front yard.

-“I ate some of them Roman Numerals.”  (also known as Ramen Noodles).

-A parent comes to the bookstore on an ATP day and is complaining to an employee about the cost of books, cost of tuition etc.   Eddie overhears the account being retold and begins twirling about, flailing his arms everywhere and kicking randomly like a marionette puppet with knotted strings: “I call this the tuition dance.  You see this?” <a few more twirls and head jerks> “Yep, $3500 is what you paid to see this!” <more senseless spins and jolts>  “I am a dance major.  You just wish you could do this!”  He stops abruptly, holds his neck and says in all seriousness, “I thank I pulled somthin’.”

- “I am kind of like Captain Crunch,” he pauses for dramatic effect, “without the crunch—just the Captain.”

Favorite Bookstore Moments:

A good one to start: The recent “Hair Shaving” in which Lee was named official buzzer as Forrest sat caped in plastic with a crowd of gawkers clicking cameras to forever cherish this dare-made-real moment.  (Special thanks to Donnie for his awesome-while-it-lasted mustache and the initiation of said dare).

Thanks to Gnat (aka Amanda Bass) on the video below:

Humiliation for Cash? Sure.

Justin Bieber doesn’t have anything on The WKU Store’s very own, Leeber Calvert.

Everyone went goo-goo for this photo

opportunity–everyone except poor Lee. You were a sport, Leeber!

More Cash. Bigger Smile.